How many of these new Bachelorette guys are secretly 9-year-olds stacked on each others' shoulders?

Among the many minor holidays that dot the annual television calendar, few bring us a more schadenfreude-y burst of joy than The Running Of The Dopes, a.k.a., the point when ABC is forced to try to make the latest crop of personal trainers and “bartender hopefuls” it’s sending to its next Bachelorette seem like…